I am trying to Cope !

After my last post, I got many text messages and concerned emails to ask how I am coping up with life without Agreya. I am trying my best, for few days it was almost shock and a sense of disbelief, unconsciously I was always hoping that it was kind of bad dream and any moment I will wake up to see my smiling princess in front of me.
Once the reality started sinking in it was almost like crying whole day and being angry with God at the same time. Some relatives spoke about Karma, other said its destiny and all such things. But somehow I still do not understand what karma a child did when she was born with a cardiac defect {God did not give her chance to perform any karma and awarded her punishment, what kind of justice is this?} I am still searching
for the answers but …

Each day has been a pain without her presence in my life and few friends who connected with me who have lost their child say that it will always be there, only thing some days her memories will make you smile and some other times they will make you sad.

It is already happening, whenever I see her in my dreams she is always smiling as she used to. Pain is no less, but I am learning to live with it and making it bearable by remembering her positive attitude throughout her life. She was an inspiration for so many, in fact on occasions her Doctors used to be surprised to see her smiling always. In worst of pains one would ask Agreya How areyou? And smilingly and she would reply, "it’s paining… but I know It will be alright".

Some of well meaning friends and relatives advised not to talk much about her and not cry when I am missing her. But how can I not miss her and talk about her, when there are so many beautiful memories are there to cherish for the lifetime. Infact it was her ever present courageous smile which always provided me strength {in roughest of times} when she was physically present in my life.

Several times in day she would come, hug me and say I love you and that used to make me forget anything that was worrying me at that particular moment. This was our everyday routine, now it is my time to say I love you and I keep telling her how I feel everyday, I know wherever she is now she must be smiling and would be happy. Because that's what she was all about!