My Angle is Gone from This Earth

This is a blog post that any parent dread writing and I pray to Lord Almighty that no parent should be made to even think about it, let alone write it. We lost our little princes Agreya {younger teen} about 3 weeks ago.

It was all of sudden; we just came back from a shopping trip to a nearby market on weekend evening, because she wanted to buy few books and art supplies for the coming week. After half an hour or so, she complained of headache and a feeling of nausea, so hubs asked if she wanted herbal tea, she said yes. I was trying to cheer her up, by the time hubs returned back with cup of tea she said she wanted to vomit all the while she was sitting in my lap. When she tried to vomit, all of sudden I could feel that her head tilted to side , both of us knew something was not right and just like that we rushed her to hospital. It took us 15 minutes to reach there, and these were the longest 15 minutes my life, holding on to her, sitting in daze just like a zombie, murmuring something to her which I do not remember now. ER people said there is no pulse, but after a cardiac shock pulse returned and I thought my fighter has once again defied the obvious as {she did on other two occasions when she was younger} but this time she kept her fight for the day and finally she surrendered on 10th Feb 2014.

I am still not able to find words to express my feelings, of having a daughter, laughing, kissing her and talking to her in one minute to having no daughter in next moment. Right now it is just anger towards God, disbelief, pain and emotions that are very raw.

But I want you all to know that me and hubs are trying to hold our head and heart, and trying to heal ourselves for sake of our son who is trying to be brave and comforting his mother in all aspects.

I just did not want to write this blogpost and burden my readers with my grief { may be one day I would share , but right now the pain is too raw that I just do not know how to express and deal with it. May be one day when I heal some I may be able to share it}, but lots of queries on lack of any blog posts and my long absence from social media, I thought to share this with you all.